well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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