**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
