nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So here I am, sexting at work.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
