Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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