Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
