What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
