It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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