I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I need moral support for this bender
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
