Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
