East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize