Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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