Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
