I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
