You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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