I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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