i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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