period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
