fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
