she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
wow bdsm is so cute
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
