I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
