your thong is hanging out like whoa
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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