He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
