So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
