i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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