I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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