I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
