Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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