Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
