Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
porn star boner night. come get it.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I would fuck him just for his dog
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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