those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
