i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
