The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
