I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
