haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
