The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
