i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
