Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
This is my gift to your gina
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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