It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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