Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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