I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
