My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize