I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
