You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize