are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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