I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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