you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So here I am, sexting at work.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
His nipple licking is glorious
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