I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my sisters under your porch take her home
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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