Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
