Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
