the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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