he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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