i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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