he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
