I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
