good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
