I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
