she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He shit in the fireplace
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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