ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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