Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
