I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Hippo gnu deer
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
