That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
