I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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