Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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