True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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