I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
